In keeping with my ever-expanding search for bargains, I decided to peruse the local Groupon offerings. After all, Poolie found some awesome deals that way!
I did find a couple of things I wouldn’t mind buying, if it were doable. One was a universal remote control for the car, since we only have one. Then again, the idea of a universal car remote is kind of scary when you really think about it. I’m a little relieved that it wasn’t compatible with my vehicle. All together now: can we say, “Grand theft auto?”
No, I’m not kidding. This is an actual product.
Along with the usual spate of restaurants, hair stylists and so on, there were a few more – esoteric, shall we say? – entries that I decided I’d just have to make myself do without.
So let’s talk about this, shall we? We have a girdle – except it’s also got a strand of dental floss running through an otherwise open hole in the butt. I’m ruling out the first G-string Girdle I’ve ever seen. I know – how could I possibly pass up such an awesome idea, right?
This is also one of those things I can reject outright. I don’t need a Big Head on a Stick. One head is plenty for everyone except maybe Donald Trump or if you’re doing a very old-school puppet show. However, I find old-school puppet shows to be charming. I find Big Head on a Stick to be creepy.
I also passed up the Pet Glamour Shot. Something tells me our dog will be grateful. And yes, this was a real thing. All of these things were actually real things on the local Groupon site.
Now this actually looks like fun. It’s a two-hour romp in an indoor trampoline park. Sounds like a blast, except since walking is kind of not happening for me these days, I had to pass this up too. Too bad.
I also had to pass on the discounted ticket to the Reptile Expo. While snakes and other creepy crawlies don’t terrify me, neither do they make me want to attend an entire exposition promoting them. So yeah… my response to this one was also, “No.”
And the pièce de résistance for our local Groupon – I know you can’t imagine why I’d pass on a deal like this:
Boot camp. Because nothing says you got a great deal like signing up for a sergeant yelling obscenities two inches from your face. And apparently, from the photo they provided, playing with your balls.