At times I feel guilty for not writing more.
Today isn’t one of those days.
Apart from the shit-show in the nation’s capital (and Capitol), I’m just down in general. The last straw wasn’t major, but it was enough. Actually, it wasn’t even just one last straw – several of them hit me at once.
Without going too deep into the particulars, two unrelated people crossed lines that shouldn’t have been crossed. One was aimed at me and the other wasn’t. I didn’t get hurt. I did get to be supremely tired, though, and asked myself why I was putting myself into the line of fire. And when I couldn’t think of any good reason to do so, it was reason enough to remove myself from it.
For the person who said something aimed at me, it was probably justified – this time. But it wasn’t her first snipe at me. Nor, I’m sure, would it have been her last if I’d given her the opportunity. By the same token, I wasn’t in the mood to duke it out, even in a metaphorical sense. I’m tired and I know when it’s a hopeless cause – not because I couldn’t have won an argument by logic, but because logic isn’t a valid argument for some people.
I simply removed myself from her sphere – again – and called it a day. Yes, I said again. I removed myself a while back but we’ve got some mutual friends who threw us together without knowing there was an issue.
My body has been giving me grief for a while now and this weekend I have a marathon ahead of me. I’ll survive, but I’m mighty glad I have a supply of CBD oil. I’m gonna need it.
One of my friends keeps urging me to pick up my books and write again. I did write a few words last week, but I’m too exhausted and stressed to function beyond survival mode. I keep thinking it’ll let up, and it does – for about fifteen minutes at a time. I want to retire. Heck, I can file for SS later this year. But surviving on SS ain’t happening, so I keep working.
When you get to the point where you’re too tired to react, where stimuli don’t evince a response, where your therapist starts saying things like “learned helplessness”….it’s time to get a corgi puppy. Even a stuffed one will help, if you don’t have the physical capacity to be walked around the block at 40mph every day by a furry sausage rocket. That, I think, will be about the only effective answer to overwhelming dolor until the current administration is out of the White House and on it’s way to a well deserved reception in Hell.
Hang in there, babe. There are people who still love you. A certain fat radio jock in Jersey, for instance 🙂
Thanks, Danger. I don’t get smacked by these moods often but the body has really taken a dump on me. My “good” knee went out, for one thing – but the idiot factor is the biggest part of it.
There are some people who won’t like you no matter what, and I’m okay with that. It doesn’t bother me. It DOES bother me to be pretend nice to them when I’d much rather be a raging bitch. Or better yet, not connect with them at all. I prefer “what you think of me is none of my business”, but some people are determined to make it my business. So I changed the locks this time.
sorry to hear that life is hitting you upside the head. I agree that with our present (Ha!) administration, it seems almost worthless to even try to fight back. Hang in there as long as you can. I hope things get better for you.
I just had a really bad few days in a row. Feeling a bit better now, despite the marathon weekend scheduled. But it’s not forever and I think I’m going to take a couple of vacation days later in the month and go out of town to get my head (and body) back on track.
I hope the physical stuff improves asap. The state of our dis-union is overwhelming at best and we don’t need difficult people in our microcosm. Good for you for keeping your space safe
I’m getting there. I have an insane weekend ahead but only work half a day on Monday because of the holiday, which will help. I’ll survive and HOPEFULLY this is the last “Mom, Rescue Me!” for a long time!!