Woke this morning about 2:30; after tossing a bit figured I might as well get up.
Had a couple of come-to-Jesus meetings with family members this week, though not the typical combative version thereof. Just spelled out in simple terms that this isn’t going to work and that changes are no longer negotiable. I didn’t lose my temper, no matter how warranted. I laid a lot of things on the line, however.
The plan is that my cousin has two months to move out. It was never intended that he live here indefinitely, but his recent behaviors suggested that was his plan. He gets to move to plan B. Last straw for me is that while we’re struggling to survive, he spent a lot of money on things that were frivolous like crazy, then complained he was broke 5 days after his only monthly paycheck. Obviously he wasn’t saving for his own place.
I can’t tell him how to spend his money but I’m not responsible for him, either.
When I tried reading the daughter the riot act a few weeks back it went nowhere. When yesterday I pointed some things out to her calmly, including some things I hadn’t clarified for her, she responded in kind and knows she needs to make other babysitting arrangements next semester. Her stress levels are up there too, I get that, and the cousin’s presence is a huge part of it. We’re going to have to do some repairs to the house already, and a hella lot of cleaning after he leaves. There are other, significantly more disturbing issues as well, such as the fact that he brought hepatitis into a house where our grandson’s got a compromised immune system. And unfortunately my cousin’s very careless with his disease.
Cousin or not, it’s time for him to move on.
As with my daughter, I laid things out calmly and in simple terms. Didn’t get into the bigger issues, just pointed out that my own health is on a razor’s edge and I simply can’t keep going like this. His history with drugs and alcohol mean that his brain is quite literally not all there. He truly doesn’t grasp what he’s doing wrong and does what he can to try and help. If I tried to go through the whole litany of things I’d alienate him and he still wouldn’t really understand. By avoiding accusatory language I got the result that should hopefully make everyone’s life easier. I also get that if you’ve been living in abject poverty and get a reprieve for a while, it’s easy to lose track and go spend-crazy. Been there, done that.
It’s time for me to be off to the salt mines again. Still love my job but nearly called out today. Hurting like hell. Thank you, stress.