I know, I know. Waiting for the other shoe to drop has negative connotations. I never understood why, and for me it is at worst a neutral thing, rather than disaster waiting to happen. Then again, I think some things perceived as negatives often turn out to be godsends.
Case in point.
My job situation has been progressively deteriorating. Part of it is related to my health issues, part the nature of the business itself. I’ve been well aware of both for a long time, understood the ramifications and I’ve pretty much come to terms with them. Only trouble was the pesky details of how to keep us afloat financially while all this stuff fumbles along. That’s not to say I love having RA or the potential for fiscal disaster. Those are definitely negatives.
Here’s the thing, though. My job is a huge source of stress in my life and I foresee that as an ongoing thing as long as I work there. I think it’s a fact of life for any job, though with a company going through significant growing pains it’ll be more pronounced, which is where my work life sits now. We’ve been moved to a placement by a window – which is a big ol’ YAY. We’ve also been moved to new desks that are really unkind to my body, which is most assuredly NOT a big ol’ yay. I’ve adjusted and tugged and done all I can to fix things, and it’s as good as it’s gonna get. Eh.
I literally don’t know how much longer I’ll be working at this company. You know what? I think that’s a good thing. It has become toxic to me and it’s time for me to move on. Problem is I can’t go out and stomp through the streets to find another job this time around. Not happening, tough noogies. It’s down to the wire, too.
Been trying to get some projects and product development done – in between working full time, dealing with a toddler glued to my hip three and four nights a week, and so on. Made progress on some things, others have languished.
Que será, será.
I’ve been home two days straight because it’s that time of year my body points and laughs every time I attempt to do more than plunk my fat ass on the bed or sofa. My knees locked up tighter than a drum and God help me if I have to hold onto anything heavier than a glass of water. I can’t tell you how many things I’ve dropped simply because my grip’s shot to hell. After missing yesterday I was determined to go in to work this morning. My body disagreed, much to my irritation.
As it turned out, I was quite literally meant to stay home. While I don’t do the typical churchgoer routine and am not the least bit interested in beating someone over the head with my beliefs, I am convinced that there are spiritual elements to the Universe. I belong to a reincarnation group where I’d been more or less targeted by people asking me to do readings on them. Y’all, I can look at someone and tell things about them, but readings? Hell to the no. Especially not people on the Internet, with nothing to go on but a single line of “Hello, tell me everything about myself in this life and all the ones that preceded it.” It had gotten so crazy I was ready to walk away from the site altogether, even though I’m one of the admins. (I had wandered in on a whim and got pegged for that job right off the bat.)
Now here’s the interesting part. There are some pros there – not the 1-800-PSYCHIC kind, but licensed psychologists and therapists studying the phenomenon. I reached out to one of them, asking her how to gracefully tell some of these people to back the hell off. License aside, she asked me a little more about what was going on in my life and ended up sending up prayers for me, and sending the request for the same along to some friends and colleagues.
One of the things recommended was to create a Vision Board, something I’ve used before. The concept is pretty simple: you create a collage of things you want to achieve, as a tool to help you toward that end. Most people create an actual board or poster; I’ve always put mine on my computer as my wallpaper. Normally I’ve done a single image, such as a vehicle and a house (both of which I considered impossible when I put them up and both of which of course we now have.) This time around I did the collage, with a mix of text and (mostly symbolic) images to get things rolling. Thought you might like to see it. You can click this image to see a bigger version, if you’re so inclined.
Today (after calling out for work) I went back to bed and slept to an ungodly late hour, much later than I ever do. When I woke up and turned on the computer, I don’t think I’d been online for five minutes when I got an instant message from someone else here in the state who was looking for someone to collaborate on a project. There was a LOT more to it than that, but I’m convinced that this was a direct response to the prayers sent up on my behalf.
The above is very much the Reader’s Digest version of everything that happened. I’m still trying to process some of it, and will be starting on my part of it very shortly.
Tomorrow is back to the grindstone, regardless of my body’s cooperation. However, I’m on the final countdown. I don’t have an exact to the minute timeline yet, but I know it’ll be this year. I have to stick around for a little longer to get all of my ducks in a row. Let’s just say I’m listening closely for quacks, and that’s a good thing.