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O Sleep Where Art Thou?

This is becoming ridiculous. It’s 1:30am, I have to get up for work in a few hours, and I’m unable to sleep. My mind goes a million miles an hour and sleep becomes a luxury that only happens to other people.

Part of the problem is my diet – I realized that a short while ago. Healthy eating gives me insomnia. No, really – the same thing happened a few years back when I was doing Atkins. I lost a LOT of weight and wasn’t particularly hungry, but I Could. Not. Sleep. Same goes this time around, but it’s really killing me now. I am always battling the RA, and sleep deprivation pushes it over the edge. I can’t take another day off work no matter what, and the lack of sleep makes me useless at work and dangerous behind the wheel.

Catch 22 much?

I’ve been counting down the days at the job, not because I’m in a hurry to be living on the streets, but because I know I’ve effectively been working on borrowed time, as it were, for a while. My retirement is imminent and there won’t be another job in the offing, like it’s always been before. I’m not in trouble on the job, nothing like that – though that could change on a whim, between work conditions and whiplash changes in priorities and rules. Life in Big Business is always a crap shoot at best.

So I’m still more or less wracking my brain over what to do next. True retirement is out of the question. We’d be out on the streets. Ditto disability. If there were any rationality to the system I’d be a shoo-in, but since in the US disability means you have to be out of work for a year before even applying, then have to spend a year (or more) suing the government to get the benefits that should be automatic when there’s medical documentation… Well, you do the math. Once again, out on the streets and probably dead.

Welcome to ‘Murica, the land of the homeless and the home of the Donald.

The inequities in this country will be its death. I read a while back that we’re living in a period of the biggest income disparity ever that hasn’t already been rearranged by civil war. I’ve been saying for a while that it would soon turn into civil war, too, if we don’t as a nation get it together.

Don’t believe me? Does Black lives matter ring a bell?

Next up, women and poor people in general.

We certainly don’t matter to the legal system. I have talked this week to a distraught mother, whose married daughter is being severely beaten by her husband. The police answer was to tell this young woman she should leave – but she can’t take her two small children with her, because then it’s kidnapping. Yes, really. The children are apparently the property of the father, regardless of his fitness as a parent (or a human being). That sounds a hell of a lot to me like the Islamic nations do, and we hold them up in contempt.

Hey kettle: you’re black.

One of my daughters lost custody of her son because her husband hauled them across the country then kicked her out – and she got the same exact song and dance. By any book it was abuse, but guess what? Law enforcement doesn’t give a shit. It was the same story here in Arizona for my other daughter. She’s now stuck in another abusive relationship with no way out, similar circumstances. She went to court, tried to tell the judge, and the judge informed her that it wasn’t relevant. Instead of listening, he put her in jail because she couldn’t pay child support to the man who threw her out on the street with the clothes on her back – after draining her bank account and maxing her credit cards and then guaranteeing she couldn’t get a job or anything else.

Hey kettle: you’re black.

I’m glad that gay marriage was sanctioned by the Supreme Court. Now maybe the SCOTUS can tackle things like the continued dehumanization of women and minorities, and the fact that the police state is still stuck in the good ol’ boys mentality. Slavery was outlawed in the middle of the 19th century, but the principle still applies. With or without the signed document, any woman who has a child with a man becomes a chattel, living or dying at his mercy. If you don’t believe me, look at domestic violence statistics.

I know you, Poolie. You’ll say you get what you tolerate.

Tell me this: would you walk out and leave your children at the mercy of a monster who’s beating you to the point of broken bones? Or would you flee with them anyway, knowing the moment you’re caught you have lost all hope of EVER having custody of them, effectively handing them back over to the same monster, only without a prayer of you ever offering them any kind or protection?

It makes me furious to hear or read “you get what you tolerate.” That’s worse than a cop out. It’s blaming a victim for the crimes against them.

Fuck victim blaming. When you blame the victim you’re a part of the problem.

Blame the asshole who’s breaking the unenforced laws. Blame the prick who’s hitting, stealing, lying, cheating, doing drugs, and all of the other shitty things these jerks do. Blame a legal system that keeps beating up the very person who was victimized. But don’t you dare blame the victim because the system has failed them, again and again and again.

I had planned a very different post tonight – earlier tonight, when I was still mostly coherent. I don’t even remember the original subject matter. Instead, I’ve become physically ill dealing with people in distress, worrying about my own situation and knowing in both cases that my hands are tied.

Oh yeah – and the RA has decided to invade my hands again, so if they’re tied I’m not getting out any time soon.

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