Sometimes you have to step back and decide how to take what may or may not be a well-intended remark. Poolie commented on the whiny-ass factor and that while I’m not 100% dark, I do have a tendency to go down the path of whines, minus cheese.
Part of me got defensive, because I’ve made a concerted effort NOT to be so dark. In fact, I’ve stopped updating as frequently, in no small part because I know how alienating it is to read the woe-is-me BS day in and day out. Dwelling on life’s inevitable load of crap – which shits on you no matter who you are – is counterproductive and self-perpetuating.
The flipside of that is that hey – this is MY diary. I write here in stream-of-consciousness, as cheap therapy, and because I figure throwing my verbal nastiness to the ether means I don’t take it out on family, colleagues and the like. It isn’t written as a popularity contest, though I appreciate the folks who read and comment from time to time.
Crossing back over again… If I can’t take constructive criticism, how will I ever improve? And it’s from someone I consider a friend, someone whose acerbic wit hits a perfect key with me on a regular basis, someone who took me into her home and who has been to my home. I like Poolie, both in the virtual world and in the “real” world.
Then I look at it this way: like or otherwise, Poolie doesn’t pay my bills or live with me on a day-to-day basis. I don’t have to live up to her expectations, just my own and those of my family and my work.
Lots of sides to the issue. Lots and lots and LOTS.
The musing will likely continue for a while. I’m not going to blast anyone for well-meant suggestions and offerings. That would be foolish and mean-spirited. Neither will I take 100% of every suggestion as gospel to be obeyed and cherished. It isn’t possible to distill every gory detail of my life into a few hundred worlds clicked out once a week or so, and it wouldn’t be fair to expect a distant reader to understand all its convolutions. There will absolutely be times when someone gives me bad recommendations because they cannot possibly know the whole story. In that case I accept that they mean well and I embrace their friendship, if not their advice. Other times I am too close to the situation to see the big picture and an outside observation is invaluable. If I had perfect wisdom I’d instinctively know which was which.
Needless to say, I don’t have perfect wisdom. I’m still working on it.
The part is still on backorder for the vehicle, which has been an inconvenience but hardly the end of the world. I’ve been fortunate enough to get rides to work, and G continues the walk-a-thon to get what we need from the store. I’ll conscript my son or my sis to take us for a larger grocery run this weekend again. In short: we’ll manage.
The irony is that if my current work trajectory holds, I may be able to get a replacement car by the time the part comes back or very shortly thereafter. That would be fine with me, too. We’re going to enlist the advice of family and friends before plunking down funds this time, though. Given that our current vehicle is 18 years old and counting, it will be wonderful to jump ahead by an expected 10 years or so, based on our budget, and have something with a working AC and the capacity to drive out of town if the mood strikes.
The sniffles are still oozing through me, though I think I’ve passed the “crisis” point. G and the daughter have the same thing going on so we’re all on a sniffing-coughing binge. Everyone gets a cold now and again, and to the best of my knowledge nobody has died as a result. I didn’t have to miss any work and life goes on.
We also didn’t win $640M in the MegaBucks drawing last night. Also not the end of the world. My team at work went in on the drawing by pooling our funds. I assume with as many tickets as we had we probably won something; it would be nice to score the $250K second prize, which would result in something like $12K apiece. Enough for a better car and paying off a few more smallish bills. Maybe enough to finally get the house pinned down, too. And if not, no harm. I didn’t go crazy buying lottery tickets. Some of my colleagues also bought individual tickets. I took the more philosophical approach, figuring I wouldn’t drop any more cash into odds that make lightning strikes look like a sure thing, heh.
We have our TV back. The DVR is running and the Dish folks installed a secondary antenna to help reception on the living room television, so life is good again. We have a roof over our heads, I have a good job, we have food to eat and a good stock of Ibuprofin and Kleenix.
And I have friends. Friends who care enough to be honest with me, even when it gets my dander up now and again, justified or not.