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How Do I Love Thee? Let Me Count The Days

Tomorrow is my Friday this week.

Can I get a “Hallelujah”?

I finally broke down and set a doctor’s appointment, something long overdue and nonetheless done with the utmost reluctance.  Not only do I take issue with the robbery extortion co-pays on top of an outrageous insurance premium, but I really do think of it as hush money.  They take my money to shut me up so they don’t have to actually do anything toward a remedy.

This is my second entry on the subject, so I will let it stand at that.  I forgot to post a link at Diaryland, so y’all can go back one if you really want to read the whole grumbly spiel.

My boss is really pushing me to get my certs so I can do a lateral move into a different department.  Even though it wouldn’t make a difference in the money, and would put me back on nights (ugh) I’m considering it.  Part of the reason is that it would slash my commute by about half, saving both time and money. That’ll be even more important this summer when we’re hunting down a new place to live.

We have three offices in the immediate area and I’m currently driving to the one that’s farthest from where I live.  It’s really a beautiful drive, and for some reason the beautiful drive gives me the heebie-jeebies when I drive it, every single day.  I drive alongside an urban lake and my thoughts go down some very negative paths.  I haven’t said anything to anyone else, but I do think it’s better for me to make a move – the sooner the better.

G kind of irked me.  His only question was how it would impact the monetary situation.  I know he doesn’t like me working nights, but to be honest I’m more comfortable driving the shorter distance at 11-ish at night than I am driving to the hoity-toity area where I work now and driving at o’dark thirty in the morning.  Maybe it’s just the familiarity thing but I don’t think so.  The office I love.  The drive, lovely as it is, gives me the creeps in a big way.

It makes no logical sense and yet makes perfect sense from a spiritual standpoint.  I pay attention when my brain makes sudden sharp turns to the dark side, no preamble and no turn signal.

The daughter is bitching and moaning her way through her nursing classes, but she’s doing the work and passing.  She tackled the toughest classes first and had decided to cancel one of them, but the teacher talked her into toughing it out.  Considering she’s been out of school essentially since she was 12 years old, the kid’s doing a pretty damned good job.  She’s got a good vocabulary and a good grasp of the English language, which puts her leaps and bounds ahead of a lot of her classmates.  (Hey, all my years in broadcasting did have an effect; my kids are all articulate.)

It’s horrendously late; unfortunately my stress levels have been such of late that my sleep patterns (and pretty much everything else, for that matter) have been utterly trashed.  If I had to make a conscious effort instead of sleepwalking through things these days, I’d be SOL.

My daughter and I are tentatively going to see Avatar this weekend.  G flat-out refuses to go, having set his mind on disliking it.  Given his propensity for canceling out at the last minute on ANY plans, I have come to the conclusion that it’s better to let it go.  In fact, knowing what I know about him, my best bet is to start excluding him and making plans with other people.  I’m not talking about another man (though the thought has crossed my mind from time to time.)  I just mean friends, in general.

Guess that’s gotta do it for tonight.  I really should get SOME sleep before shuffling off to work in the morning.


  1. Terri Tinkel Terri Tinkel November 20, 2016

    I wish I would wake up from this nightmare and soon! I just can’t believe what is going to happen to us, our country and our society. I sure hope there will be some reasonable people in charge to keep this from turning into a place we can’t get back from. Now I read that Trump’s family will continue to live in NYC….which means he will be there too for a majority of the time…and who really believes that he is going to stay out of his businesses.

    • leilani leilani Post author | November 20, 2016

      I know, Terri. It keeps getting worse and I don’t anticipate it getting better until after it gets MUCH worse. People are going to die. I just hope our current Hitler doesn’t win this time.

  2. goatbarnwitch goatbarnwitch November 20, 2016

    I keep not wanting to look at the news and just carry on with life but that is no longer possible. I don’t want my daughter to live in a world of hate and loss of freedoms so sorely won. I don’t want our Earth to be destroyed by the fools who write off climate change. I don’t want to see the cold war rekindled on steroids…

    It is incredibly hard to do what needs to be done when there is a constant wave of horror coming out of the “transition period”. Come January 2017 we may well be totally fucked. Bus loads of people from NY are traveling to DC to protest at the inauguration and would love to join them but the farm needs me. I can only send my positive energy with them in the hopes that their voices are a fraction louder

    • leilani leilani Post author | November 20, 2016

      I agree with you, yet as we speak the horror proliferates. It’s nauseating.

  3. poolagirl poolagirl November 27, 2016

    Brilliant piece of writing. And I 100% agree. This could be the end of democracy as we know it.

    • leilani leilani Post author | November 28, 2016

      Thank you, Poolie. I’ve never wished so much that I were wrong.

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