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Fill ‘er Up

l am so not happy.  I had a lengthy post typed out and as this $%^&* laptop is wont to do, the whole thing just got erased because I breathed too hard or something.  Then, ever helpful, WordPress did an autosave of the draft immediately after so I couldn’t even undo it.

*Deep breath*

We acquired another roommate today.  My cousin moved back in, at our invitation.  I am more than fine with that.  G alone can’t do a lot but the two of them together are trying to put together a viable business.  There’s so little business in this area altogether that I think they could well make a go of it.  I sure hope so.   I’m on an event horizon in terms of my health and unless something tips really soon we’re all gonna be screwed.

See, I am easily qualified for permanent disability with Social Security.  Of course being qualified physically doesn’t mean it doesn’t take the better part of a year to get approved, during which we have zero resources on which to survive.  But there’s also the little fact that a disability check wouldn’t pay the bills, so it’s not an option for me no matter how warranted.  We don’t go spend crazy, either.  We don’t do vacations, or movies.  Our total entertainment is limited to Internet, TV (satellite, because it’s cheaper) and yard sales.  Yard sales spending is generally under $20 and is for things we legitimately will use anyway.  Win-win.

We do eat out too much because I can no longer stand long enough to cook and my daughter can’t be bothered.  Yes, I’ve called her on it.  It unleashed a shitstorm that resulted in the end in her continuing to do whatever the fuck she wanted to do.  If it weren’t for my grandson I’d have sent her packing long ago.

My one saving grace is the scooter chair.  My boss commented this week how much better I look now – my face isn’t gray any more, among other things.  It’s one of the bills I’ve got to pay off but it’s worth every penny and will be for the foreseeable future.

Fortunately my cousin cooks; until his business is going strong I’m going to wheedle and beg and hopefully convince him to pick up part of that slack.

Allowing for all that, I’m still on a razor’s edge.  I deal with ungodly hours, day in and day out.  Up at 3am, home from work 3pm and babysit my grandson until one of us passes out.  This week I died first.  Thank God G picked up the slack.  I hit a wall.  In two more weeks I’ll get a longer reprieve because Little Guy will be spending a week or so with his daddy.  I love the baby but really, really need that time to rest.  This week part of my problem’s been that on top of everything else, I’ve been waking not at 3am but at anywhere from midnight to 1:30, and can’t go back to sleep.  Not fun.

Tonight I’m going to take a chance and take a couple of melatonin tabs, and hope I’m awake enough to drive in tomorrow.  I’m doing OT to make up for the added expenses.  I have, however, decided it’s time to deploy my master plan and cash in a winning lottery ticket.  I actually bought tickets this time, too.  No matter how much I insisted, the lottery office insisted that was a requirement.

Once I’ve done that, I’ll write the great American novel and retire to Tahiti.  Maybe not Tahiti, since it’ll be hurricane season by then.  Hawaii?

I’ll get back to you on the location.

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