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Biprowler

For anybody who’s dealt with bipolar syndrome – in yourself or a family member – you will get why I referred to it as “bi-prowler”.  You notice things getting gradually a bit rougher then BOOM!  The full fury of the downturn hits and you’re caught like a deer in the headlights.  You know it’s cyclical and you know you can’t escape it entirely (even meds have their limitations) but you’re never fully prepared for the meltdown when it hits.

My oldest daughter has gone several months in more-or-less even keel status, so we all knew it was just a matter of time before she went through another crash.  It hit last night and I got the latest threat of suicide.  Its arrival is the unmistakeable marker of her trough period – the bottom of the bottom. It’s frustrating because yes, I absolutely take it seriously because she has attempted in the past (and very nearly succeeded); by the same token, there’s nothing I can do to fix things, so I’m left with a shitload of stress and no sleep until I know the crisis has passed.  Little sister was there to help out with the babies.  The girls are currently living in the same house – not sure if that’s a good or a bad thing.  Little sister was in the middle of the meltdown so was trying to take care of babies while big sister went postal on everyone including herself.

The crisis more or less passed last night, which means in a couple of more days my daughter will be back in a sunnier state of mind.  Hopefully it will be a prolonged mid-period rather than the mania, which brings its own issues.

G and I have also discussed that moving to the second community we’re discussing will give us our lives back to a degree.  Much as I love my children, I’m sick of them living with me.  In a crisis we can and will survive, and I do expect my younger daughter and the baby to eventually arrive on our doorstep.  Of all the kids, ironically, she’d be the most welcome.  She was the one I nearly killed when she was growing up.  It would’ve been ruled justifiable homicide, believe me.

If we move to the proverbial middle of nowhere, the youngest will undoubtedly be the ONLY child living with us (except her son, naturally.)  The other kids won’t move that far out, that’s a guarantee.  The youngest will only move in with us in a legitimate emergency situation.  Knowing what I know about the shithead baby daddy, I figure that’ll happen sooner or later.  He’ll tip his hand one last time and be out on his ass.  And if my daughter’s living with us his lack of transportation will mean he won’t be around to harass her further.  The more she says about him the more I nod and shrug and point out he’s a carbon copy (at least in personality) of her dad.  Ergo he’ll stick around and sponge off of her and her family until she puts herself out of his reach.

More house pictures – second area, this place up for $69,900:

These places, by the way, range from about 1500-2000 square feet.  Yesterday’s place with the stone facing, just over 1900 square feet.  This one just under 1700.  So lots and lots of space.  We’re ignoring the two-story variations.  You can admittedly get more space for the money, but even if it weren’t for my issues with mobility, I don’t want to pay the AC bills for a place with an upstairs!

We’re also ignoring the places with swimming pools.  Most of the communities actually have community pools.  If not, it isn’t a big deal anyway.  Having lived in apartments with swimming pools, I’ve only gone swimming one time at this complex and once at our previous apartment.

The one sad note to this area: I’m seeing lots of sections where the roads are in and the plots are laid out – but no homes.  Several of the streets have “holes” between folks’ yards.  I still think this area will undergo a revival in a few years, though not booming to the degree of eastward.  Then again, you can never tell.

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